Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in turtlechelle's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, July 12th, 2009
1:40 pm	As the subject says I'm bored so I am writing. There's not much to say in here though. As I mentioned in my last entry I spent a lot of the week listening to convention coverage. I also went and worked out twice. I'm going a little nuts without being able to go walking. Ellie does not like being left home in her crate. On Tuesday I'm meeting friends for lunch and I'm thinking about taking Ellie and just taking off her harness since hse isn't supposed ot lay in it. The walk from where we are meeting to the subway is less than a block. Otherwise she's home for up to 5 hours. Things are up and down emotionally. I find out on Friday what will happen with Ellie. in a way it seems to far away and in another to soon because if she has to retire I'll just leave her at my parents not taking her back when I return from camp. Yes, I'm going to camp. It'll be heck of hard to do if I get bad news on the 17th, but I am planning to go.No voice posting from camp this year as i don't have a cell phone boohoo. So look for a long entry when I return perhaps an audio journal as well not sure though just depends on hwo I feel. I can't honestly say i'm excited about anything at camp besides riding. It will feel so good to be on the back of a horse! ok riding in the boat will be fun and so will the agape feast. They are taking us to a big theme park during one of the days andthat could be fun too. I'm not much for amusement park rides, but it sounds like they have some fun slow ones like a steam train. I'm tired. I think I'll go read which will turn in to sleep. but which book shall I read? I'm in the middle of 3 and they are all good and I'm hoping to finish them all by the time I leave for camp. I don't know why LOL its just the goal I set. I just love reading it takes me out of my world for a while and that during this time is a very good thing. Current Mood: okay (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 8th, 2009
11:35 pm	convention twitter and more I think ellie is still hurting. I'm very scared and sad. we have eight days until we go back to the vet. Its getting harder and harder to feel any hope. I've spent my week listening to convention coverage from both ACB and NFB. ACB had some really boring stuff this year and I'm glad I didn't have to sit through it, but I enjoyed Sunday night esp the roll call Marlaina cracked me up! I enjoyed hearing the scholarships presented of course I always do. Today was a very education oriented day as the NFB and ACbB both had the topic addressed. I enjoyed it all. I didn't hear a ton of NFB mainly because they don't replay or archive and 6 AM is um just really early. but I did find it interesting what I did hear. It interesting how much more philosophy they have in the sessions. its like everything on focused on there beliefs and agenda. and gosh everything is GO Federation. I thought it was interesting how many of the speakers came from within the org itself. todays coverage while heavy on the nfb agenda was easy for me to agree with who can deny the importance of teaching Braille! or blindness skills to kids. Though I don't have a problem with large print if its realistic. The aCB's programming on braille literacy and blind schools was good as well.And I loved loved loved the audio book narrator who's name I now sadly can't remember. He was so funny and he just kept you hooked. Tomorrow I will enjoy hearing the various reports and then Friday night I will hear the banquet of course. Speaking I listened to NFB's banquet until Mr. Maurer want to barf! Blindness is just a physical characteristic my ass! And all of society hates us. it wasn't all bad but oh my word. And glory glory federation! I didn't believe they actually sang that until I heard it tonight. I much rather go with the less radical and pushy people. ACB rocks!! but I won't start writing songs about it! So, over the past couple days i've done a lot of playing around on twitter. Its an interesting yet confusing place. I'm really not sure how it all works and if its something I want to do, but I have enjoyed reading people. its interesting to see the different ways people use it. But I have to say the blindness world is incredibly small. And then you start dividing like the lj blindness community and it gets even smaller and sort of um cliques form and whatever. Its been a not so good stomach day. I've been doing really really well lately so I shouldn't complain. Think i'll go read myself to sleep. i'm so tired I could probably fall asleep without reading. i've not been sleeping much and when I do I have nightmares. Anyway, write later. Current Mood: tired sad (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
5:30 pm	Ellie's vet trip I was going to write this yesterday but I was so tired I was having trouble typing. so here I am finally to update you all. As the subject says ellie went to the vet yesterday. I took her to the vet who diagnosed her grain allergy. She discovered Ellie has a sore shoulder with limited range of motion. Not exactly sure what's causing the pain nothing showed on the xrays but she said the usually nothing does and that it takes more advanced testing to get a real good diagnosis. Poor Ellie was very unhappy having her shoulder and leg messed with and especially with the xrays. So, she is off work for 3 weeks and on antiinflamatory and pain meds for that whole time too. We aren't supposed to play either. Its gonna be a long long 3 weeks! I will take her back on the 17th and we will see how things look. I'm trying not to think about what it will mean if she's not better. I am very glad I took her to the vet. And even though this sucks its a relief to know there is something going on. I know that sounds kind of wierd but its true. The meds seem to be making her kinda out of it. Speeking of which its almost time for her next one. She's coming with me out of harness to Celebrate recovery tonight and probably coming to therapy tomorrow although she has to have the harness on when on the bus and the harness lays right where she hurts so I may just crate her. But I'd better stop writing get her med and get myself ready to go. Your prayers would be very much appreciated. Current Mood: relieved (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 24th, 2009
10:44 pm	Voice Post VoicePost 580K 3:01 (no transcription available) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 17th, 2009
9:35 pm	my day This morning i saw the surgeon about my stomach. He didn't reccomend surgery but he didn't not recomend it either. he wants to see how i do with some more wieght loss. I've lost 3 more pounds since March. Less than i should have, but its something. Ellie and I went for a walk tonight. She sat multiple times. I'm very upset and scared. That is all. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
6:03 pm	catching up Its been a while since I've wrote in here. So, I'll start with my birthday. The dinner I had with parents aand friends at red Robbin was good. Dave and Hayley came over for a while Dave got a tapedeck hooked up for me so I can now record again from TV and computer. This is really nice for when i travel. Later in the week mom took me shopping. She bought me 3 news tops and 2 new pairs of pants. They are all really cool. Ellie is continuing to do well with guiding. She sits when she has to relieve. I let her when we can which is on most of our routes, but yesterday we were in a place where we couldn't and I told her she just needed to keep going and she did. I just took her out to relieve and discover that we have broken our 28 days without rain streek. its sprinkling. The air feels lovely and cool. When i sat down here I thought I had a lot to write but I can't think of anything. Current Mood: good Current Music: CMT awards (Comment on this)
Friday, June 5th, 2009
4:06 pm	Ellie update Guess what I'm gonna write about LOL putting it behind a cut because most of you know what's going on but if you want the latest Ellie news ( Read more... ) Not much else has gone on this week. Thursday we walked downtown which is not somewhere we usually go so it was fun. I had therapy and went to celebrate recovery. That is all. Current Mood: good (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 30th, 2009
10:54 am	Ellie and my week This was written yesterday but crashed before I could post. Hi all, first a bunch of Ellie stuff since so many of you know what's going on I'm putting some descriptions of our work our vet viset and my thoughts behind a cut ( Read more... ) Oh forgot to mention that today we took her to the dog park. She had fun playing with an Anatollian spelling? shepherd. Its amazing how well all the dogs get along. Its a nice group of people too. After the dog park we went to a park and had tuna and just talked. I'm very greatful for all my friends. I feel very supported and cared about. I came home and Ellie and I both took naps. I'll blame my lack of energy on the sun LOL. Its been beautiful weather this week! Not much has gone on this week worth writing about. But I don't want to stop writing LOL. I listenedf to the spring concert from the school for the blind over the net. This is the first time they've streamed a concert. The best part about listening to stuff on line is turning down the stuff that sucks as in beginning band LOL. I went to celebrate recovery where it was an open sharing week. Of course I talked about ellie. I also had therapy. Guess what we talked about LOL. I really have talked and thought about other things this week I promise. Its just that its pretty much overwhelming. Guess I'll stop Current Mood: sad confused tired Current Music: crow outside (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 23rd, 2009
10:56 pm	my day Its been a long day and I'm really tired, but I feel like writing in here. My day began at 4 AM and couldn't get back to sleep. Yay for good books! I finally got back to sleep about 7 waking up at a little before ten when B instant messaged me. B and i have been friends for about 6 years and I see him once a year when he comes up on memorial day weekend to see family. He came over and we went to a mexican place where the councel of the blind was having a social. I had a yummy quessadellia which was huge! Then we came back to my house and went out to get some video of Ellie and I on the golf course. She sat down again. We came back home and editted and uploaded the video. Its up on youtube for the school to view. I'm very greatful to B for being willing to do this. i had somebody willing to do it but it was gonna be several days away. now they can see it Mondya or tuesday whenever they are back. We also made a CD of the vid just in case they can't view it. We burned some music from Brian's computer for me. Guess that's all I have to say. Think i'll go read reading a great book by a mom who adopted from china. Current Mood: tired (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 22nd, 2009
2:08 pm	Ellie stuff Ellie and I attempted to go on a walk today. We were gonna do the sidewalkless route down Pine. She sat down about 30 feet in to the route. She wouldn't go forward. I called the schooll. I spoke with a new trainer named Sam. He took notes spoke with Rick and Heidi and called me back. They would like to see the behavior so I'm gonna try to get video. They mentioned retirement. Then he said "the problem with us finding you a new dog is that we can't service you out there." I asked if that means they won't take me back and he said he wasn't sure he said he'd ask and call me back I'm not having a good day! I thought I was gonna sit here and write all my emotions. Now I don't want too. I think I'm gonna try to sleep. Current Mood: depressed (10 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, May 16th, 2009
5:52 pm	my week I know I haven't written in a while, but there's not been anything to write about until recently. Last Sunday I went to church with Val to her daughter's church my former church because the twins were being dedicated. Pastor John did a great job with the dedication. It was nice to be back at Harper. I miss it sometimes. Not that there's anything wrong with where I am at I mjust do. After that we all went to Val's home where her daughter cooked brunch. We had eggs bacon waffles and pancakes and it was all good. On Tuesday A came over and we finally finished the video of Ellie's work we will send the school. Its 21 minutes long. I try to show a mix of good and um not so good work. I'm going to describe the video behind a cut ( Read more... ) Wednesday I had therapy. G saw me even though for some reason she didn't have me on her schedule she rearranged things since because of the bus I was stuck there. I appreciated her seeing me. I know I'm constantly saying how helpful it is but it really is. Nothing happened on Thursday and Friday just the normal stuff of reading and watching TV. Today I went to Val's church to a women's brunch. The speaker was a local youth ministry worker from the Seattle area. they also showed a video with testimonies from several women in the church about how God's grace had helped them. I think that was my favorite part. Then I decided to go with Val while she dropped her son at the mall. When we got back to my house we went for a ten block walk. Part way on the golf course and part way on the sidewalks for a total of ten blocks. Ellie did beautiful crossings. Of course she knows what's on that video LOL! Now I'm just here chilling thinking that I'll go read. Current Mood: good (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 1st, 2009
9:50 pm	Well, there is nothing more they can do. i'm on all the meds they can put me on. I knew this. So, why I am having such a hard time with it. There is a surgery they can do. my chances of not having long term complications are fifty fifty or less according to this Dr. I will go see a surgeon and see what they say. I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this! I don't want to live the rest of my life like this! I want to fall asleep and never wake up! Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 30th, 2009
8:02 pm	The month of May is going to begin with another doctor ap. This one is with the new digestive health specialist. I hope he has some answers. I've had a lot of improvement this month. I'm not really sure what I want to come out of this ap. I feel scared! I would apreciate prayer. I will be back with more of an update later. Current Mood: scared Current Music: Ellie chewing her bone (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
11:02 pm	Voice Post VoicePost 207K 1:07 “Please press no. 3 and most likely the last one since 3 is used to be my number ___. So I was talking about how this year it will be harder to break the bond with my leader. She's really been wonderful. She's she's been a great support and I miss her. So if you guys could pray about that that would be great. People keeps signing in the MSN message or I need to get up and turn my computer down or gonna keep me awake all night.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009
11:48 pm	Voice Post VoicePost 763K 3:56 (no transcription available) (Comment on this)
11:28 pm	Voice Post VoicePost 1020K 5:09 (no transcription available) (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
9:12 pm	my week This has been one of the best weeks I've had in a while. My stomach is doing fairly well. I notice it gets worse as the day goes along and the difficulty swallowing as well. What is sad is that these days I'm calling good were what I would have consider bad days before Thanksgiving when this got worse. Ellie and I got a lot of work in this week. On monday we walked with Val heading down towards the junior high. Ellie did great work only tripping me on one curb which wasn't her fault really. On Wednesday I went to the mall with jumpingbean to the mall. Ellie had a nice pace although she didn't want to follow the wall. She did not seem stressed. Friday we did part of a new route on a very very busy road with no sidewalks. We were walking to meet Val's daughter A who wanted to walk with us with the babies. It is not a route I would do alone. Ellie was very focused which is good because an unfocused dog on that route would be bad. Then we walked down Pine we took a different and shorter way home that we'd never done before. i was pleased with her work with all the newness. On Tuesday I went out to lunch with several PCB members which was enjoyable. i had yummy fish and chips. they were huge pieces of fish and man I got full. That night I went to celebrate recovery. I really like this group of people and I think I'd like to keep going. Today jumpingbean brought pacific over to play with Ellie. I think we all had a good time. This evening I have had a wonderful time of worship listening to life line on CSN. Current Mood: worshipful Current Music: CSN life line (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
11:09 pm	I can relate I hear this song on the radio tyesterday and decided to put the lyrics here since I can relate to many of the lines in it. Call you up in the middle of the night Like a firefly without a light You were there like a blowtorch burning I was a key that could use a little turning So tired that I couldnt even sleep So many secrets I couldnt keep I promised myself I wouldnt weep One more promise I couldnt keep It seems no one can help me now, Im in too deep; theres no way out This time I have really led myself astray Runaway train, never going back Wrong way on a one-way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow Im neither here nor there Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile How on earth did I get so jaded? Lifes mystery seems so faded I can go where no one else can go I know what no one else knows Here I am just a-drownin in the rain With a ticket for a runaway train And everything seems cut and dried, Day and night, earth and sky, Somehow I just dont believe it Runaway train, never going back Wrong way on a one-way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow Im neither here nor there Bought a ticket for a runaway train Like a madman laughing at the rain A little out of touch, a little insane Its just easier than dealing with the pain Runaway train, never going back Wrong way on a one-way track Seems like I should be getting somewhere Somehow Im neither here nor there Runaway train, never coming back Runaway train, tearing up the track Runaway train, burning in my veins I run away but it always seems the same Current Mood: hanging in there (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
7:46 pm	nothing It feels very wierd to be home at this time. For the last several weeks i've been attending the synoptic gospels class. It ended last week. I really enjoyed it. They are planning to continue it in the Fall. I'm not sure why I'm writing i guess just something to do to pass the time. So, I'm just sitting here having difficulty swallowing and waiting for twenty mins to pass so I can eat some life. Its going to be a strange week as it is spring break and none of the bible studies are meeting and there is obviously no school I am planning to go to a lunch social with the PCB on Tuesday and I may go to celebrate recovery that night. This is not the group that meets at my church but a different. I only went once 2 weeks ago. I wasn't planning to share, but I did and bawled like a baby. It seems like a really nice group of people. I have therapy on Thursday. Its been helpful just to talk with G even if I'm just saying the same things over and over. Its nice to feel cared about. I've been missing riding tonight for some reason. Val and I are planning to walk tomorrow. It will be nice i've missed walking with her. Would anyone be willing to get some off bookshare for me? Guess I think I'll go play on the library site and see what I can find to read. Current Mood: sad Current Music: CSN (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 25th, 2009
10:46 pm	I will be seeing a new Dr. on May 1. I just hope I don't get any worse over the next month. Today has not been good. Chest pain trouble swallowing. In other news, I've finally gotten out of my reading slump. I've only read 2 books this year I started and abandoned quite a few. I just couldn't get in to anything. It was really wierd. But it appears to be over. I'm excited about the pile of books to be read especially the new Jody Picoult book Handle with Care. Think I'll take my meds and go to bed. I have therapy tomorrow. Current Mood: uncertain yet calm Current Music: newsboys going public CD (Comment on this)